my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
