I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
