Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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