i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
