Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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