Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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