We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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