I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
