Can Purell be used as lube?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
