dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
