I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
