So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I looked at my own cervix.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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