Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
