hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
