He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
