Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
