Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
