now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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