dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
