Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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