Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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