Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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