HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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