It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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