Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
