Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
