chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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