where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
