I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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