peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
