You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
