You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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