Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
