no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
