My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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