We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
