I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
