I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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