I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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