Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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