Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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