Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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