Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
