Do you still have your period?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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