just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
