Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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