i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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