What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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