I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
