so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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