I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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