my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
