Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
