you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
