I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
