it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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