Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
