Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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