also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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