I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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