i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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