I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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