You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
