If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I still have a little drunk in my system
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
