I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
