Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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