so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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