saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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