Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
