The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
