The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
