He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
