I wish my penis had an off switch
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
