it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
