mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
