id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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