i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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