Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
