Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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